I knew there's a reason why I have always liked Xiao Zhu (Show Luo).

( 谢谢你, 小豬! )



谢谢你, 小豬!
Thank you, Xiao Zhu!

ZaiZai, you're still the best actor in my heart. I know you don't need that kind of validation as long as you know that you did your best and you are proud of your work. But it still hurts. And I can't imagine how it must feel for you.

I know I haven't watched Black and White yet but I've heard nothing but praises for your performance, even from non-Zai fans. You have always given your 100% in all your works and it always shows in your level of performance. This is why I am and will always be proud being your fan. I'm proud of your work, your behavior and your work ethic.

It must have been a bittersweet victory for Director Cai. He won Best Director and Black and White won as the Best Drama. Unfortunately, the Best Actor award was given to the wrong Black and White actor. I have always thought that Zai is Leo DiCaprio to Director Cai's Martin Scorsese.

Later, Zai will have a fan meeting in Taipei. I want to hug and console him so much. I hope his fans would do their best to lift his spirits up. I haven't visited VIC for quite some time now. And when I read his previous messages, I knew that something is bothering him again. :(

I may no longer be one of his biggest fans. But I will always be his fan. And I'm damn proud being one.

ZaiZai, 加油!

ETA:
When Director Cai won, he gave special thanks to ZaiZai. And when Black and White won as Best Drama, the producer (Director Cai's wife) practically had to drag Zai on stage while the others willingly went to the stage. She then said, "ZaiZai, you're the best actor in my heart."

ETA:
Director Cai's wife's acceptance speech: "Thank you, Zhou Yu Min. You're forever the Best Male Lead in my heart."

I was browsing my video files in my computer. And I stumbled upon this video that I made last year:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xaqtpm_01-at-the-beginning
At the Beginning

While watching it, I suddenly missed the simpler times. ZaiZai and F4 represented my law school days. The days when I knew that I was already an adult but because of my student life, I was granted a reprieve to repeat my college years. Hence, even if I was already in my early 20s, I still felt like a teenager.

Those were the days when all I worried about was my recitation and my exams and when my utmost concern involved asking money from my parents and brother to fund my fangirling expenses.

But those 4 years (plus 1 year for the bar experience) had passed. And along with it came the passing of innocent and free days.

In the midst of these confusing and anxiety-filled days, I now long for those days. When times were simpler. When my concerns were comparatively petty. But, like my ZaiZai and F4 obsession, I know that those days are now over. And yet I know that I still have so many things to look forward to. It's scary but it's about time. But it doesn't mean that I wouldn't have days like this. Days when I feel melancholy, when I feel the need to look back "at the beginning", before I can move on and look forward to another journey.

This is a belated welcome post to Baboo, my new iPhone! :D



Buying it was actually an impulsive decision. I was initially planning to buy a Nokia phone. But since I got my dad a new Globe plan, I realized that the price of the iPhone was in the same range of the Nokia phone that I was eyeing. So in a matter of seconds, I chose the iPhone. I wasn't even familiar with the specifications and the different models.

My major concern was the touchscreen pad (as it would be a difficult feat to drive while texting)! And the fact that it couldn't forward messages. But the Globe attendant told me that the newest model (3GS) can already forward messages and record videos. So I bought it. I didn't even read the reviews. ^_^

So far, I'm enjoying Baboo. Texting while driving is still difficult but I guess it's also a good thing :P I'm quite addicted to Sudoku. I surf the Internet while lying down on my bed. All in all, it was a good purchase.

PS,
Why Baboo? Watch this:

Work

I've been terribly busy the past 3 weeks. The amount of work load has been terrible. Deadlines of various projects just kept on piling up. Just when I thought that I have finally finished a report comes another urgent report. Hence, the sleepless nights. I would even ask pinkrabbit17 to help me in some of my reports (but I had to bribe her with Yellow Cab pizza!) It almost became a habit for us to order Yellow Cab at 1-2am every time I have to stay up all night.

Michael Jackson

Which leads me to MJ's memorial. I had to finish another urgent report last Tuesday night. That's why I was able to watch the entire memorial service from 1:30-4:00am. I was holding my breath at the last part when MJ's brother was adjusting the mic stand and I was anticipating that his daughter would say something. While the rest of the memorial was very touching, from Brooke Shields' eulogy to Jermaine's rendition of Smile, it was only at that moment that I really glimpsed a view of MJ's human persona, in the eyes of his children.

Rest in peace, MJ.

9th of June



This is the 6th year that we are celebrating his birthday. From extravagant and elaborate birthday celebrations to charity events and to simple dinner with friends. A lot has indeed changed and yet so many things remain constant. From laughter shared over the dinner table, to birthday greetings in the form of text messages, forum posts, facebook status and simple birthday songs, and most of all, to friendships that have been gained and will always treasure.

Hence, even if I (and most of us) have already graduated from the craziness of the fandom, he will always remain a constant presence in my life. And for this, thank you, ZaiZai.

Happy birthday! ♥

ETA: I miscalculated the number of years that we have been celebrating his birthday. It should be 6 years, hehe. :P

The past two weeks had been awesome for Rob/Kristen/Twilight fans, especially for Rob fans! :D



( Beautiful Madness )

New Moon

As I was driving to the office this morning, zzis Annie texted me that the official poster for New Moon had been leaked! I immediately hurried and checked the Internet upon arriving in the office.



I have lots of complaints about this poster (the major one involves the j/b touching, which is just so wrong on all sorts of aspects). But I could forgive that because Edward is right in front of the poster :P I honestly don't care about those commenters who think that Edward should be relegated in the background in New Moon because of his absence for most part of the book. New Moon, despite Edward's absence, is still all about Bella and Edward.

Rob at Cannes



He looks really good! I don't think I've ever seen him wearing just a nice polo shirt.



Movies

I watched Wolverine last Saturday with some of my officemates after the MCLE seminar (the majority part of which I spent solving Sudoku puzzles!). I enjoyed the movie and now I want to watch the leaked unedited version just for the lolz.

I also watched Angels & Demons awhile ago with the GGs (aka, Zzistahs plus Sil and Aira). As a testament of my being "lutang" every morning, I mistakenly read Annie's reminder-text that we will watch the movie at Greenbelt (instead of Glorietta)! So there I was, about to buy my food at Greenbelt, when I called Annie and realized that they were at Glorietta and the movie was about to start in 15 minutes! It was a good thing that the traffic wasn't too heavy and I arrived just after the opening credits. Lesson learned: always re-read text messages that I receive in the morning!

Happy Birthday, Rob!



Here's to more witty and giggly RPatzz anecdotes. :)



I hope that his stardom would not disillusion him and he would remain humble and real (to himself and to the industry).

***
I've been diligently following the updates on the New Moon shooting and the "behind-the-scenes" outings of the cast, specifically Rob and Kris. My shipper heart reached atmospheric highs from numerous pictures of them together but it also reached its deepest lows :P Now I'm just trying to enjoy the pictures of them together. As long as Rob is happy, I am happy, too. :)





***
More than 3 weeks after my unfortunate visit to the surgeon, my right foot is now completely healed. I never thought I would say this but I actually missed my high-heeled shoes :P It's weird because I always look at the shoes of my colleagues and clients and the higher the heels, the more professional they look to me. I know there's really no correlation but I still can't help but admire those who wear nice shoes.

***
Last Saturday, I attended the Mandatory Continuing Legal Education seminar, which the Supreme Court requires for all lawyers. It was torture. Lectures from 8am-6:15pm. Some of the topics were actually interesting but my brain refused to cooperate and listen as it knew that it was a Saturday, a day that was supposedly dedicated for my personal time (a.k.a., sleeping time, eating time, Internet time, etc.). Now I'm dreading the next 3 Saturdays...

***
My disposition is picking up these days. I still feel melancholy at times but things really have a way of looking up. The fact that I have finally decided on a path for me after months of dilly-dallying was a very welcome change. Now I'm only hoping that I may have sufficient time and dedication to pursue this change. Jia you to me! :)

This week has not been a good week for me.

1. I underwent surgery in my right foot. While it was just a minor surgery to remove the infected wound, the required twice-a-day cleansing and replacing the bandages are too painful and troublesome. I've always been extra careful with my feet after my "removing-the-toenail" incident a few years ago, but this shows that you still cannot be too careful.

My new best friend:



We searched high and low in different drugstores for this type of non-stick pad (as I do not want to encounter ever again the feeling of removing a bandage which is stuck on a fresh wound). They were out-of-stock in all Mercury drugstores and I was seriously considering ordering from the US (the pads cost merely $5 each, but the express shipping fee would amount to $100!). Fortunately, we were able to buy the pads at South Star Drugstore.

2. I have food allergies and I still don't know the specific irritant. For about a week, the insides of my cheek were too sore and red and I had puffy lips akin to Angelina Jolie.

3. I have contact dermatitis. My right wrist is red and very, very itchy. Just looking at it makes me feel itchy. During meetings, I even cover them with a bandage or with my blazer as I do not want to gross out our clients.

With all these medical emergencies, I've been to the clinic for 4 days in a span of 1 week and I've consulted 4 doctors and numerous nurses. *sighs*

4. And just when I thought Murphy's Law had already expired, my laptop's hard drive crashed. When did I last back-up my files? November 2008. When our one-man-IT-personnel informed me that he couldn't access my hard drive, I just stared at him. He was probably waiting for an outburst but I was just too shocked and numb to realize that this is actually happening to me. And just a few hours ago, the said one-man-IT-personnel told me that he couldn't access my Outlook back-up files.

I already sent my hard drive to the supposed "gods" of HDD recovery (which would cost me an arm and a leg) yesterday. And now, I ask anyone who is reading this entry to please pray for my hard drive, that I may recover my very important files (work and personal files). *sobs*

I know that I can't break down because what good it would do. I still have tons of work and personal issues to sort out. I just wish that the coming weekend and the next week would bring good news to me.

The 2008 bar exam results will soon be released. I can already feel the anxiety and nervousness of the underbars in our office. I can totally relate to what they are feeling.

It’s only been a year since that fateful day when I received the news that I passed the bar. A year makes so much difference. I can remember the fervent prayers and bargainings, the diligent pilgrimages to far-flung churches and the heartfelt conversations among fellow barristers.

Realistically speaking, I should have not expected to pass. I found the questions very difficult and tricky. I know I missed a lot of important concepts and even simple ones. But I guess my mind and emotions were equipped with strong defense mechanisms that I blocked out the possibility of failing. During the 6-month wait, while I was feeling nervous and anxious, I never allowed myself to think of failing and having to retake the exams. It was just too heartbreaking and painful for me to consider. And that probably allowed me to have fewer panic attacks.

The bar exams were truly life-changing. I now classify my life as before and after the bar. Surviving the bar torture is one of the most important accomplishments that I have. And it's not because of the fact that I am now a lawyer, it's more because of the fact that through sheer determination and unbending faith, I survived the mental, physical and emotional torture of the bar despite my ambivalent feelings towards the law profession.

I now think of these things as I consider my future and as I wait for the results to be released (I am fervently praying for my friends). It's been a year, a year that saw me emerging victorious from the bar and immediately plunging to the deepest depression that I had ever felt and experienced and surfacing just barely to hang on to my dear life. While I still have so many doubts and uncertainties, I still have faith and I still believe.

Happy birthday, pinkrabbit17!

It has been a while since you made your presence known in my dreams, both daytime and nighttime.

For several years, my world revolved around you and I often wondered then on how my life was before I met you and on how my life would become without you.

You always had the perfect timing. You were always there at the right time and at the right moment.

You came into my life when I needed the fantasy. My reality then was too sterile and undead, hence it was the perfect time to be trapped in a fantasy. That fantasy world helped me survive the monotony of my real life. It enabled me to discover and experience so many precious things.

And then, just when I thought that serendipity was merely a word, you turned around and saw me at the perfect moment. You arrived at the exact moment when I was coincidentally at the same place.

But the passage of time is indeed very fickle. As in all things, the perfect time for that fantasy world to burst came. While I was largely unprepared, I recognized the signs. Signs of the end of another era.

And just like it had always been, you left my life at the right moment when I needed reality.

In the blink of an eye, it was over. I felt refreshed. I never knew that being in that kind of world trapped me. Nevertheless, I would never regret being trapped in that world with you. You brought the perfect combination of dreams and reality.

And now, I dreamed of you again. While in the past, such dreams would often bring a certain kind of wistfulness and giddiness, now, I just feel contented. Contented with my memories of you. Contented with my occasional glances.

I know that I will always owe my sanity to you for those 4 hazy years. But after emerging from the haze of my fantasy world, I discovered that my new world has now brightened a bit. I'm sure you'll be more than happy to know that while I enjoyed the haziness of the fantasy, I am now welcoming my bright and crisp future. A future that no longer revolves around you but a future that will always be influenced by my past with you.

It was nice seeing you again in my dreams, ZaiZai.

Thank you for the music. For the greatness. For the diaoness.

Happy, happy birthday, dear Jay! :)

Ok, I think I'm starting to fall for Robert Pattinson. I knew it would only be a matter of time. Just the fact that I deliberated long and hard before reading Twilight, I also deliberated long and hard before allowing myself to be charmed completely by Rob because I knew that it would be so easy for me to be sucked into this fandom. I mean, I already had my F4 phase, which lasted for several years. And I'm now in my Jay phase, where I'd like to think I am exhibiting more restraint befitting my "maturity" in fandoms.

Moreover, I wasn't sure if my fangirl heart was big enough to accommodate another fandom. But since resistance has always been futile in my case, I allowed myself to be sucked into Twilight. Devouring the books, fanfics, news articles, interviews, outtakes, etc. But still I was adamant and I resisted in being immersed with the actors from Twilight.

But on hindsight, I knew it was only a matter of time before I got dazzled by the man behind Edward Cullen. Rob Pattinson as Cedric Diggory didn't really caught my eye in HP. But now... After watching countless interviews (which made me go to work sleep-deprived!) and reading numerous articles, I can now officially say that I am a Rob Pattinson fan.

I love how he totally understood his character.

How he immersed himself in understanding Edward's character because he loves the material.

How he seems so genuinely thankful for the fans' support.

His self-deprecating humor.

His wit.

How he's so uncomfortable with praises.

How he freaking would never stop signing autographs in Much Music because he knew they camped out days before the show.

How humble he is.

How sarcastic he is.

And most of all, I love his huge crush on Kristen Stewart.

Accck, my OTP!





I mean, there's only so much adoration that you can take.

Watching his interviews is always a pleasure as he often gives unexpected answers. I kinda remember ZaiZai in the way he answers interviews. In Twilight, Edward often says that he could never expect what Bella is thinking. Same thing with Rob, he has this skewed (but at the same time, endearing and worthy) outlook on his characteristics and his profession.

Rob is also not the classically handsome type of guy. He doesn't shave; he always looks as if he just rolled out of his bed and went straight to his promotional events; he makes fun of his hygiene. But, for me, that's one of his charming qualities. The quirkiness and the refusal to be sucked into the plastic nature of the entertainment business.

And may I just say, he's oozing with so much sex appeal.

A year ago, I witnessed his diaoness live for the first time.



December 8-9, 2007.
Hong Kong Coliseum.

More than just a fantasy and still incomparable.

I’ve been changed (by Edward Cullen)…

to a Twilight fanatic!!!

( When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. )

And I guess that sums up everything I feel for Twilight. Behind the whole saga, at the end of it is love. A very powerful love.

Now, I cannot wait for the movie. (And yes, as much as I ship Edward/Bella, I ship Rob/Kristen, too!) ♥♥♥

My story of literally finding JieLun in Hong Kong.

( HK... where fangirl dreams come true. )

It feels weird not being there.






If this happened two years ago, I would probably be cutting classes, arranging trips, tickets and flower baskets (?!) and freezing my ass while waiting outside the concert venue.

( ZaiZai )

These are scary times. The collapse of Lehman Brothers. The emergency sales of Bear Stearns and Merrill Lynch. The struggles of AIG and Washington Mutual. The subprime mortgage crisis. While Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs are the few ones left standing, they are also exposed to the crisis. The big question then is how substantial their exposure is.

My dream companies back in college are now facing tough times. Hence, despite the fact that I am only minimally connected with these investment giants, I feel their pain. I'm no expert in finance as my financial background had been unfortunately eroded by my law studies. I'm just a wannabe (but hopefully future) finance person. I terribly enjoyed my finance classes back in college and I'm holding on to the hope that I would eventually find my way back to that path.

All these comparisons with the Great Depression scare me. I would like to believe that the financial market had placed sufficient security measures to prevent its repeat. But still, these are complex times involving complex transactions.

I think it all leads down to wise investment decisions. Due to the complexity of these investment strategies and securities, fundamental finance rules are often neglected and forgotten.

High returns, high risks. In the pursuit of high returns, banks and financial institutions hedge the risks. In the end, no one is willing to shoulder the high risks, forgetting that in interlocking transactions, no one can escape such risks.

For instance, these mortgage-backed securities often produce high returns as the collaterization and pooling of the assets increase their tradeability. Consequently, they should also be considered high risks. However, the financial institutions generally rely on the traditional concept that real estate is a low risk venture. More importantly, when mortgages and other assets are securitized, the risks are pooled and then passed on to another entity. As the risks are passed, there is less incentive for the originator to determine the creditworthiness of the borrower. The mortgages and the other assets are then transformed into securities (or derivatives) and the risks of the underlying assets are then forgotten.

We can actually no longer rely on financial statements and other traditional records since valuations of these assets and securities are often the product of much hocus pocus as the risks are no longer properly accounted for. They're not illegal per se as loopholes do exist not only in the legal structure, but more so in the financial structure.

In the event of a collapse (like now), other inter-related transactions are then affected. You hear about the credit default swaps problem, most specifically in the case of AIG. And then it just gets harder and harder to isolate the safe securities and investments from the risky ones as everything now revolves around perception.

The only thing that we could hope is that the market would correct itself soon enough. That is the beauty of a free market. All else equal, the optimum and efficient level would be reached. Hence, unnecessary regulation and bailouts by the government should be reduced, if not eliminated. Financial institutions must account for the risks of their investment strategies, instead of allowing them to employ complex transactions to spin off the risk and then run back to the government in case of disastrous investment decisions (that threaten the entire financial market!). Lastly, my finance and economic professors often reminded us that no matter how complex the transaction is, it would never hurt to go back to the basics.

---
Hmmm, I missed this kind of discussion. I've been so focused on legal discussions that this entry feels like a breath of fresh air. :)