December-January is the season of Information Sessions. After attending various Information Sessions, I once again find myself evaluating my options and calculating figures.

I'm hoping...
And I'm praying...

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

Kuya Jovic

My eldest brother is currently working in the US. While he used to be assigned to various locations abroad, I think this is the first time that he's staying there for quite a long time. It's a bit weird not seeing him around our house. He used to often invite us to have lunch and dinner outings. I've actually been trying to compensate for his absence by inviting my parents to go out for dinner and watch movies, but alas, my purchasing capacity is not as high as my Kuya!

I've always been very proud of him. He's the quintessential Kuya in all aspects. He's responsible, intelligent and thoughtful. He really cares for our family. I often wonder what would happen had I been the eldest in our family. I don't think I would have the same patience and selflessness.

Ever since I was a little kid, I had always looked up to him. He's the brother who graduated at the top of his class and earned so many medals, who studied in UP, and who has traveled around. And due to my idolization, I consistently tried hard to follow him, hence, my desire to study in UP. I even applied to the same company where he is working during my senior year in college. Had I not gone to law school, I would probably have worked there. I had always followed his advice, from the choice of my college course to the decision to study law. I had never really considered becoming a lawyer until he suggested it.

And now that I am considering and planning for my future education, he has once again thrown his full support behind my plans. He's always been very supportive with everything. Maybe because he feels responsible for my restlessness. Whenever he initiates the discussion about my future plans, I feel overwhelmed because he is again going way beyond his natural responsibility towards his siblings.

My Kuya and I may have had our differences (a lot actually and most of them could be traced to our squabblings over my F4 fangirling). I sometimes joke that I used to be his favorite sister pre-F4 fangirl days :P But despite this, I know that the interests of our family remain his priority.

As we are about to celebrate our second Christmas without him, I just wanted to express my gratitude to my Kuya. Thank you for being the best Kuya that we could have. See you soon, Kuya Jovic! :D

I knew there's a reason why I have always liked Xiao Zhu (Show Luo).

( 谢谢你, 小豬! )



谢谢你, 小豬!
Thank you, Xiao Zhu!

ZaiZai, you're still the best actor in my heart. I know you don't need that kind of validation as long as you know that you did your best and you are proud of your work. But it still hurts. And I can't imagine how it must feel for you.

I know I haven't watched Black and White yet but I've heard nothing but praises for your performance, even from non-Zai fans. You have always given your 100% in all your works and it always shows in your level of performance. This is why I am and will always be proud being your fan. I'm proud of your work, your behavior and your work ethic.

It must have been a bittersweet victory for Director Cai. He won Best Director and Black and White won as the Best Drama. Unfortunately, the Best Actor award was given to the wrong Black and White actor. I have always thought that Zai is Leo DiCaprio to Director Cai's Martin Scorsese.

Later, Zai will have a fan meeting in Taipei. I want to hug and console him so much. I hope his fans would do their best to lift his spirits up. I haven't visited VIC for quite some time now. And when I read his previous messages, I knew that something is bothering him again. :(

I may no longer be one of his biggest fans. But I will always be his fan. And I'm damn proud being one.

ZaiZai, 加油!

ETA:
When Director Cai won, he gave special thanks to ZaiZai. And when Black and White won as Best Drama, the producer (Director Cai's wife) practically had to drag Zai on stage while the others willingly went to the stage. She then said, "ZaiZai, you're the best actor in my heart."

ETA:
Director Cai's wife's acceptance speech: "Thank you, Zhou Yu Min. You're forever the Best Male Lead in my heart."

I was browsing my video files in my computer. And I stumbled upon this video that I made last year:


At the Beginning

While watching it, I suddenly missed the simpler times. ZaiZai and F4 represented my law school days. The days when I knew that I was already an adult but because of my student life, I was granted a reprieve to repeat my college years. Hence, even if I was already in my early 20s, I still felt like a teenager.

Those were the days when all I worried about was my recitation and my exams and when my utmost concern involved asking money from my parents and brother to fund my fangirling expenses.

But those 4 years (plus 1 year for the bar experience) had passed. And along with it came the passing of innocent and free days.

In the midst of these confusing and anxiety-filled days, I now long for those days. When times were simpler. When my concerns were comparatively petty. But, like my ZaiZai and F4 obsession, I know that those days are now over. And yet I know that I still have so many things to look forward to. It's scary but it's about time. But it doesn't mean that I wouldn't have days like this. Days when I feel melancholy, when I feel the need to look back "at the beginning", before I can move on and look forward to another journey.

This is a belated welcome post to Baboo, my new iPhone! :D



Buying it was actually an impulsive decision. I was initially planning to buy a Nokia phone. But since I got my dad a new Globe plan, I realized that the price of the iPhone was in the same range of the Nokia phone that I was eyeing. So in a matter of seconds, I chose the iPhone. I wasn't even familiar with the specifications and the different models.

My major concern was the touchscreen pad (as it would be a difficult feat to drive while texting)! And the fact that it couldn't forward messages. But the Globe attendant told me that the newest model (3GS) can already forward messages and record videos. So I bought it. I didn't even read the reviews. ^_^

So far, I'm enjoying Baboo. Texting while driving is still difficult but I guess it's also a good thing :P I'm quite addicted to Sudoku. I surf the Internet while lying down on my bed. All in all, it was a good purchase.

PS,
Why Baboo? Watch this:

I haven't been blogging much the past few months. Blame it on work, on personal issues, or on my obsession with Twilight. But I know I can't give up my LJ. I always enjoy reading my past entries. However, there were past events that I wish I had documented but due to time constraints, I never got around to doing it. This time, I know I have to write this, as a reminder to my future self that I'm not as apathetic or indifferent as I may seem.

40 days. The end of the traditional mourning period.

When I found out that Cory Aquino had died on that rainy Saturday morning, I never thought that I would feel so affected. I was expecting the news for several days already but hearing the confirmation was still some kind of a shock for me. I guess I had always considered her as a constant presence in the media. Similar to the deaths of prominent personalities, I followed the TV programs and read the articles about her. The next few days, I saw yellow ribbons, yellow shirts and yellow banners.

While witnessing the outpouring of love for her, I myself had this sudden urge to express my gratitude to her. But the logistics were quite daunting. I felt too lazy to line up; I didn't know where to park; I was wary of the crowd, etc. However, at the back of my mind, I felt I was being urged to do something. So I tied a yellow ribbon in my car and I felt a sense of camaraderie with the other vehicles with yellow ribbons.

It appeared that a friend of mine (who also seems as apathetic or indifferent as I am and I must say who is more maarte than I am!) was feeling the same thing. We texted all throughout the said weekend about our thoughts and feelings. Initial plans to go to the wake were made, but I was still having second thoughts because I wasn't too confident driving in Manila and considering my parking skills, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to park.

Finally, on the day that we were planning to go, I suddenly decided to just forget my lingering concerns and go.

Upon arriving at the Manila Cathedral, I felt as if I was a part of something extraordinary. And it was true, because while I was too young to remember the EDSA revolution and even her presidency, I know that she was an extraordinary lady.

My friend and I walked for 30 minutes from the parking area to the end of the line, which appeared endless. The line just kept on snaking around the streets of Intramuros which prompted my friend to joke that we were on an Intramuros walking tour. Cheers would even erupt when the groups of people would reach the end of the line.

Then came the 4-hour wait in the muddy streets of Intramuros. I don't even remember how we passed the time. We never sat down as the roads were dirty and we never ate our take-out food. After 2 hours of standing, we began asking ourselves on why we were there. Back in law school, the two of us never really participated in any political issues. Her extent of political participation was attending the EDSA 2 revolution while mine was even more limited.

So there I was, an oxymoron. A UP alumna who has never attended a rally in her life (Yes, I wasn't at EDSA 2. I was more content watching TV at that time). A citizen who has strong opinions about her country but has little initiative to do something about it.

And yet, there I was, standing in the intermittent rain. Making a statement and supporting a stand (while holding on to my yellow umbrella).

We finally entered the Manila Cathedral at around 2:30am. It was very solemn despite the continuous trickle of mourners. I paid my respects, thanked her for her sacrifices and most of all, for her faith, and prayed for her and her family.


Manila Cathedral - pictures taken by my friend

The next few days, I was still in Cory overload. My life literally stopped on August 5, 2009. I watched the full coverage of her funeral. My sister and I went outside our subdivision to see the funeral cortege pass through the SLEX. I haven’t even removed the yellow ribbon in my car.

What drew me, along with countless other Filipinos, to her? Her presidency did not achieve “economic” success using the usual standards of an economist. She went against the stand of an economic professor in my school. But she remained well-loved and an influential person. For me, it has always been about her morals and her values.

I may be a lot of things but I have always tried to act according to my morals. And in the midst of a moral dilemma that our country is facing (led by an “immoral” chief executive), she is an epitome of a moral person.

That is a big lesson for me and for us, which is very apt considering the announcement of her son, Noynoy, that he would run for the presidency. Our brain is nothing without our heart. Intelligence is nothing without morals.

Rest in peace, Tita Cory. May we continue your moral legacy.

Work

I've been terribly busy the past 3 weeks. The amount of work load has been terrible. Deadlines of various projects just kept on piling up. Just when I thought that I have finally finished a report comes another urgent report. Hence, the sleepless nights. I would even ask pinkrabbit17 to help me in some of my reports (but I had to bribe her with Yellow Cab pizza!) It almost became a habit for us to order Yellow Cab at 1-2am every time I have to stay up all night.

Michael Jackson

Which leads me to MJ's memorial. I had to finish another urgent report last Tuesday night. That's why I was able to watch the entire memorial service from 1:30-4:00am. I was holding my breath at the last part when MJ's brother was adjusting the mic stand and I was anticipating that his daughter would say something. While the rest of the memorial was very touching, from Brooke Shields' eulogy to Jermaine's rendition of Smile, it was only at that moment that I really glimpsed a view of MJ's human persona, in the eyes of his children.

Rest in peace, MJ.

9th of June



This is the 6th year that we are celebrating his birthday. From extravagant and elaborate birthday celebrations to charity events and to simple dinner with friends. A lot has indeed changed and yet so many things remain constant. From laughter shared over the dinner table, to birthday greetings in the form of text messages, forum posts, facebook status and simple birthday songs, and most of all, to friendships that have been gained and will always treasure.

Hence, even if I (and most of us) have already graduated from the craziness of the fandom, he will always remain a constant presence in my life. And for this, thank you, ZaiZai.

Happy birthday! ♥

ETA: I miscalculated the number of years that we have been celebrating his birthday. It should be 6 years, hehe. :P